The problem with combining finances before you’re married is that there are so few legal protections if anything goes wrong. And a LOT can go wrong: one person could be killed in an accident or by an illness, both people could die in a single accident (what if one or both of them has kids? a will that leaves everything to someone else?), an ex-spouse could attach an account for unpaid support, one person could be injured or have a stroke leaving him or her incapacitated, and of course there’s always the potential for a premarital break-up. Neither party is protected in any of these events.

Worst move of all is to incur debt together, particularly a mortgage. When Semi-Demi-Exboyfriend and I lived together, I bought the house and he paid half the mortgage as rent. There was no real advantage to him, except that when we broke up he was in a position to walk without having to disentangle himself from my finances. And I was in a position to throw him out free of financial worry (except for the question of how I was gunna pay the mortgage by myself…).

We were very careful to write wills that specified exactly what would happen if one or the other of us died or became incapacitated. One provision of mine was that he would be allowed to live in the house, paying the mortgage as rent to the estate, until such time as he chose to move, at which time the house would either go to my adult son or be sold and the proceeds pass to my son. We also provided powers of attorney for each other, so that we would have a say in medical issues and in common financial matters should one of us become incapacitated.

But none of these steps approaches the protection granted by law to a married couple. I would never mingle finances without a marriage.

@Alan glad it made you think. 5 weeks out and license in hand is probably safe. Wills are good, even very basic ones that just leave everything to each other–then you can write up specifics for how you want her to dispose of your personal items.

@Melissa brilliant suggestion! Even a simple, notarized contract can make a difference.

@Frugal Urbanite that sounds like a good way of handling it.

@Carol great point about keeping track of deposits into shared accounts. Getting that periodically signed & notarized might help too, if you want to be really precise.

It boggles my mind how financial support you give your wife could be considered a “gift.” Yet it is by the feds.

@Doctor S lil’ bit familiar?

I also like the shared savings model. We share checking too, but different models seem to work best for different couples & earning situations. It’s possible that in the future we’ll share one checking and each have our own private checking acct.

With still a year til I am getting married, I am trying to hold out as long as I can on combining finances. My hope for when we do get married is we both have our own checking accounts and then one combined savings account that we funnel our money into. The scenarios of why to keep them seperate are all valid, but it just seems a a preference that is created based on the type of relationship being dealt with.

Doctor S’s last blog post: Presenting John Oliver: Senior Ponzologist

Mr. and I never really ‘combined’ finances because I wasn’t bringing anything except actual household goods to the relationship. We’ve got all joint accounts, but it’s pretty much all his money. We’ve known from the beginning that I would be working from home and being a SAHM, so we’ve agreed that he’s responsible for the household expenses and when I get a windfall from my business that doesn’t need to be reinvested I give it to him to add to the communal account.

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While writing up a contract isn’t terribly romantic, it should give each person peace of mind that a proper exit strategy has been put in place.

Even after reading your post, I think I still would have, just because I’m willing to take the risk that one of us will die before the marriage. I know we’re not going to break up, at least not over the next 5 weeks. Also, its not like either of us has tons of money to stand losing anyways.

Definitely made me think though. We really should look into getting a will done post-marriage. That would be unpleasant, but necessary, I’m sure.

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My DH and I combined our finances almost as soon as we were engaged as we wanted to save for our house and wedding. It works well for us.

My sister and her partner keep everything split and as she gave up work when she had her children it did cause some finance problems for her. But it works well for them.

My Mum had no clue about anything money wise so when my Dad did the dirty we found out the truth and he got off mostly scot free and she wasn’t so lucky. It worked for them until it didn’t!

Oh and I left an award for you over at mine!