Micah & I are headed off to a wedding this weekend, so here’s an appropriate guest post with 7 tips for talking to your fiancé(e) about money. I advise couples to start talking early, because you’ll form your own ideas of your marital finances and they may differ greatly.
Money is one of the biggest things that couples fight about. Many of those fights come about because a lot of us just don’t know how to talk about money. Financial issues are going to be a topic of discussion throughout your entire marriage. Because of this, you should learn to talk to your partner about money even before you tie the knot.
Some tips that you should follow for talking about money with your fiancé include:
- Figure out how you feel about money. Many of the fights we have with our partners about money really have to do with our own mixed-up feelings about the topic. Many people get frustrated, overwhelmed and defensive when trying to figure out finances. Get right with your own feelings about money and you’ll be in a much better position to discuss the topic with others.
- Always know what you want before you start talking about money. You might be interested in discussing how much you should spend on the wedding. Or maybe you want to talk about long-term financial plans. Whatever the topic of discussion, decide what you want before you start talking. If you don’t know what you want then you can’t discuss the situation reasonably enough to make a compromise.
- Stay calm. If you feel yourself getting upset while discussing money issues with your fiancé, it’s time to take a break. Most couples get stuck in arguments about money because they don’t know how to step back, re-assess what they want to say and then start over calmly.
- Be honest. You might be surprised how many people don’t know about the debt that their soon-to-be-spouse is carrying. Be honest about this issue as well as about any other money topics that you discuss. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble later even if being honest is difficult now.
- Make some rules. Who will be responsible for the bills getting paid on time? Will you each be spending your own money or will you be discussing all purchases before making them? Figure out some ground rules before you get married.
- Create some shared financial goals. Figure out what’s important to you when it comes to money. Find out what’s important to your fiancé. Come up with some goals that you can work towards. This will help you to feel like you’re on the same team when it comes to money instead of battling each other over it.
- Make a commitment to not let money get between you. Before you even have your wedding ceremony, you may want to have a private ceremony in which the two of you make this type of commitment. Write it down and seal it with a kiss. This can really help put you on track to being kind to each other about money over the years.
The most important thing is that you open up those doors of communication now. Don’t avoid talking about money just because your relationship is still relatively new. Starting to discuss it now is what will help your marriage last through all of the money issues that arise over a lifetime.
Guest post by Kathryn Vercillo. Kathryn is a writer for Promotionalcodes.org.uk which gives away free voucher codes and also publishes money saving tips.
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I hasn’t really been hard for us to talk about money. The hard part is having a game plan. Since I wasn’t working, I obviously didn’t have a steady income and it was hard for us to budget properly. Thankfully, I now have a job and we will be able to appropriate the funds accordingly. This will definitely help us get on our game!
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That’s very good advice for couples. Too many people enter the marriage relationship with their heads in the sand thinking that it will all work out somehow. It will all work out if you take the time at the beginning to discuss it in the ways you said as well as to continue the discussion as the need arises. This was a very good article. If you don’t mind I’m going to link to it on my blog.
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It is a great post – full of factual information. A good start is always desired, but it does not guarantee that it will work out well. The most important is the chemistry between the couples must be right.
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Great advice, Kathryn. Money is one of the reasons, if not the top reason, listed in a divorce. You need to know how you feel about money before you can start talking to your partner about how he/she feels about money and coming up with a plan that works for both of you.
My wife was a spender, and still is, while I am more of a saver. Our compromise was to 1) put me in charge of the finances, 2) requiring agreement for big purchases, and 3) having some money that we didn’t have to tell each other what we spent it on. #3 is especially important to us because it gives us freedom to do things without fear of an argument. We started giving each other $75 a month and grew it to $250 a month as my income grew. Even now, in unemployment, we each get $50 to spend to help keep our sanity in this difficult time.
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