Last week, I asked for peoples ideas on how to hide money from an abusive spouse/parter. I realized that my site didn’t have enough information for someone in a real predicament and wanted to remedy that. You responded wonderfully, and I’ll be doing a short series about it. I’m not an expert and this isn’t professional advice. If you are in an abusive situation, there are ways out. Every situation is different, but I don’t believe any is hopeless. At the end, I’ll include some resources I discovered. And if you can’t save money, you can still get out.
Lin at TellinItLikeItIs left a great response to my post asking for advice. She followed that up with a post today on why you need to know how to hide money from your husband. It includes links to other posts she’s done on getting out of an abusive marriage.
Here’s the text of her comment, which I feel deserves its own spotlight too:
A mutual friend sent me this post through StumbleUpon and asked me to chime in, and said she told you she would do so.
Having been in such a situation myself in a previous abusive marriage/relationship, there are a number of things that someone can do to hide money from an abusive husband or wife. (Keywords applied just in case).
A woman that is in an abusive relationship and is trying to escape by hiding money from her spouse may not feel emotionally safe to trust another man.
That is not to say that a man wouldn’t be willing to help her hide money, but a woman that is being abused is much more likely to trust another woman to help her find a hiding place for money.
I was able to hide money from my abusive husband for six months in order to save the money needed to file for divorce and get a restraining order. I did this by secretly working part time during the hours my children were in school, and I was always home before he was, so he never found out about my job (until he received the divorce papers).
My boss knew the situation and was willing to cash my paychecks for me, so I always had cash to deposit/otherwise I would have gone to one of those “check cashing” places. I set up a bank account in my best friends name and her address (I told the bank I was newly separated), and the bank was told NOT to send any statements at all. I was able to access the hidden bank account online (always while at work or at my friends house).
It’s very important that anyone trying to hide money from an abusive husband or wife be very careful not to discuss the escape plans with anyone other than the person helping hide the money. Family members are too emotionally connected to the situation, and the chances of the abusive spouse finding out about the hidden money is very risky.
After two months of saving as much money as possible, I began making advanced payments to my divorce lawyer just to be sure there was no chance of the hidden money being discovered by my husband before I had enough money saved to escape. It worked like a charm!
Here’s Part 1 with my ideas on banking. If you post something related to this series, please let me know and I’ll post about it and link back.