Comments on: Unsolicited advice—not always helpful.

By: Amphritrite

Amphritrite — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:12:05 +0000

I deal with cystic acne, too, and it’s worse when someone you actually CARE about says something…

Random strangers just make me roll my eyes; there’s nothing I can really do about my cystic acne, so am I really going to give into the temptation to be short with them? They don’t get it; they probably never will.

But those closest to us should definitely learn to keep their mouths shut

By: Brip Blap

Brip Blap — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 03:30:51 +0000

I do think people are just trying to be helpful sometimes – stupid, but helpful. Don’t assume there is any attempt to be hateful.

I have no advice to give. I have chronically dry skin, which means I barely ever (maybe a half-dozen times in my life) had acne. On the flip side, in wintertime my skin cracks and peels and flakes and feels like it’s stretched over a drum, so that’s no picnic either.

Skin sucks for about 90% of us, I think.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:59:24 +0000

I am so sorry about what that guy did. I have struggled with acne my whole life as well (I’m 31). I’ve tried every cream and medicine, both OTC and prescription, and like many others on here, nothing has “cured” me. Even when my skin is looking good, I still picture myself with tons of zits in my head. I did a course of Accutane a couple of years ago and I have to say that my skin looked *perfect* while I was on it. My cholesterol shot up to disastrous levels, though. Also, as soon as I went off it, my skin went haywire for months and looked horrible. My derm doesn’t want to give me a second round because I am of child-bearing age. I had to beg her to put me on it the first time. ProActiv practically burned my skin off. Duac works OK. I have found that using tea-tree oil pads several times a day seems to help, too. Don’t let awful people like that guy get you down.

By: amy

amy — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:42:37 +0000

I can completely relate to this post. Having acne is terrible, and having people point it out to you is even worse. I finally decided to take drastic measures and took Accutane this past year, but Ashley is right, my body totally hated me for it. I feel better now and my face has been pretty clear, but I still look in the mirror every day and see years of scarring. My only suggestion is that if you do wear makeup, wear mineral makeup. I actually found it soothing rather than irritating.

By: m

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:54:24 +0000

Totally agree. I do not accept unsolicited advice. I think it’s totally inappropriate. Maybe I’ve been guilty of offering it at one time or another, but if so, it’s been by accident, not deliberate. I think if someone wants advice, they will ask.

And I totally agree with you on your numbered list. I have a chronic illness and it seems I can’t mention it (in your case, you didn’t even say anything!) without people giving me all sorts of unwanted advice about how to deal with it. As if I haven’t thought of all the same things they suggest (and more) considering I’m the one who has the illness and has had it for ages. Besides, as you said, if I wanted help with dealing with it I’d ask.

Too many people take bringing up a topic as a signal for wanting their opinion on what you should do about that topic. Anyhow that guy was totally inappropriate, so I hope you’ve gotten to feeling better about it all now.

And by the way, I’m not villainizing (sp?) people who do that, I think it’s a natural human desire, to want to be able to be of help to others. I just don’t like that behavior, but I understand it’s almost always motivated by a desire to be helpful and out of concern for the other person. I usually just tell people thanks for your concern, but I’m not looking for advice right now.

By: Your Sister

Your Sister — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 06:19:28 +0000

Grrrrrrrr. Let me at ‘im. I can take him!

But, yay, nice people making your day better!

By: Meg from All About Appearances

Meg from All About Appearances — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 04:14:19 +0000

I was in high school with horrible cystic acne when the rest of the band class (and the substitute teacher) decided to have an intervention and tell me how gross my skin was and how I shouldn’t pick at it and I should just go see a dermatologist.

I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

I was scratching because the prescriptions I was taking from my dermatologist made it itch horribly. Nothing seemed to actually help and I got to the point where I hated looking at myself in a mirror. Even just catching my reflection in the car side mirrors was hurtful.

I can still hardly look at our wedding photos.

Fortunately, I finally found a dermatologist that helped. And despite having acne for so long, my skin is remarkably better now.

You can see me without makeup here:
http://www.allaboutappearances.info/two-morning-makeovers-or-why-i-love-makeup-and-wire-cutters/

I don’t know if you’ve tried what I have, and I don’t know if it would work for you, but my acne was hormonal, too, so I hope you don’t mind me mentioning that I take spironolactone (normally used for blood pressure, but it has a hormonal side effect). That’s it for the acne. And for the scars, just time and OTC products.

By: fathersez

fathersez — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 03:37:53 +0000

I am so sorry he damaged your day. Though probably he meant well, he did not put enough thought in how best to convey what he wanted to.

It is great that your day was almost immediately brightened up by the intended traveller and the 2 girls.

By: ms. m&p

ms. m&p — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 03:04:28 +0000

I’m sorry that happened. It is like someone referring another person to a plastic surgeon. Not cool. I think it’s great that you’ve found something that works for your skin and a way to bounce back from other people’s thoughtless comments.

By: Becky@FamilyandFinances

Becky@FamilyandFinances — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 03:01:47 +0000

Very rude. I think you are beautiful, too!