Tomorrow’s Monday. I’ve been trying not to think about that all day long. And, for the most part, I’ve succeeded. Why don’t I want to think about it? Well, I have to go back to work on Monday.

When I consider it rationally, it surprises me how much I can dread going to work. After all, my coworkers are generally nice, the work isn’t normally too hard. Most importantly, I don’t feel like I’m suffering when I’m actually at work.

So why do I dread it so much? (well, the depression probably doesn’t help much, but I don’t think it’s the root problem.)

After a minor panic attack today, I reflected on it (while being snuggled…a good time for reflecting). I don’t think it’s the job that I dread. It’s losing control over my environment, my work, my ideas. It’s also because while I’m not unhappy at my job, I’m much happier during my free time.

So going from free time which is happy to work which is not particularly happy nor unhappy is a big step down. It feels like I’ll be plunging into cold water. At first it’s a shock, and we don’t want to do it or we want to get right out. But after a while, we all get used to the water and can actually have a good time.

Eventually, I hope that I’ll be at a place which actively makes me happy (perhaps even this job someday). Or that there’ll be less of a difference at least.

For now, the best thing I can do when dreading work is call up memories of actually being there. Realizing that it’s not actually painful goes a long way towards calming me down. So there’s a psychological hack, for what it’s worth. πŸ™‚

What are your Mondays like?

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Looby October 28, 2007 at 11:10 pm

I was just thinking how much I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow. Yet at the end of last week I was thinking how lucky I was to have my job, that I do like (most of the time). I think part of it, for me, is just Sunday evening blues. Part also is the fact I work by myself, I see my other 2 project workers for an hour every other week, the rest of the time I’m alone, even lunches. And I do get a bit sad and lonely at work sometimes. Wow, now I want to stay at home even more! Sorry this wasn’t an upbeat response, I mainly tell myself that this job is a great opportunity for me (true) and much better than my previous (also true). Then I think how I’ll probably really like my job again by Thursday, by which time it’s almost the weekend again!

duncanrust October 29, 2007 at 4:57 am

I had to smile when I read your blog, as you relay hit the nail on the head talking about starting to work again.

Been without a job for several months, and when i had the opportunity to get a trail period at a company, this is exactly how i felt…

Not being able to do things at according your own schedule. unexpected changes in work, and , indeed: working does not feel ‘bad’ but certainly less happy then having ‘free time’ was a big step back into my general mood… Being more careful in what you do, say, having to control your emotions better…

Sadly, the trail period did not work out (one day before the end, I was told thanks, but no thanks) that hurt of course.

anyway.. i hope you will feel at home at work soon. And just take joy in each little thing you can think of.. and go get coffee when you feel lonely… or ask someone’s opinion of the task you are doing, if possible… it might help πŸ™‚

Amanda October 29, 2007 at 8:36 am

Hey there!

Mondays are different for me than they used to be. Now that I’m a stay-at-home mom, I don’t necessarily have a weekend off so to speak. Mondays are really like any other day except now Tim has gone to work and I shoulder all child rearing/caring responsibilities. (Which is not a bad thing.)

plonkee October 29, 2007 at 8:41 am

I tend not to think about Mondays until I get to the morning, when I struggle to get out of bed. I’m just not really a morning person. Everything has bits that you’d rather not do – that’s how you notice the good things I guess.

wealthy_1 October 29, 2007 at 8:42 am

I know how you feel. My husband is out of work right now and I have to remind myself how much I need this job and how fortunate I am to have a job right now.

Right now I have a “snowflaking” job on the weekends to help me release my debt shackles. I look forward to going to that job more than I do my full-time job.

One day we are going to wake up on Monday mornings and be happy because we will be debt free, have our emergency fund in place and we will have the freedom to do exactly what we want to do. Hang in there! Our day is coming!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrs. Micah October 29, 2007 at 8:47 am

I was actually doing pretty well this morning until I found out that our whole system had switched over and I’m locked out of most things I need to do my job. Still have the interwebs, though. πŸ˜‰

AssetGatherer October 29, 2007 at 10:40 am

I totally understand how you’re feeling. I too fight clinical depression, and every Sunday I used to be really down. Before I was diagnosed, I used to call it the “blahs”.
After 10 years in the office working-world, I was caught in lay-offs, and that forced me to take risks and start doing my own thing. I now work on weekends and harder than I ever did for a larger company, but it’s so free-ing to call my own shots.
I don’t know how long I will choose this career and lifestyle, but it’s working for me now!

Thank you for sharing!

Laura October 29, 2007 at 10:58 am

Right now, I’m counting down until our IT launch. It’s comepletly new system and I’m worried about how it will go.

Mrs. Micah October 29, 2007 at 11:25 am

The good news, Laura, is that got all my problems fixed by 11:45. And my coworkers didn’t have problems. I hope yours goes at least as comparatively smoothly.

It’s nice to hear from others who have snowflaking jobs or do work on their own that they love. πŸ™‚

I actually had a great idea last night for some snowflaking (which I hope to post about later)! It got me very excited, enough to forget about work today. The downside is that I was so excited that I couldn’t fall asleep until very late and am now exhausted. :p Oh well. It’s still a good idea! πŸ™‚

SavingDiva October 29, 2007 at 11:43 am

I just don’t like getting up for work! πŸ™‚ I enjoy my job…I get stressed out about my future…

JvW October 29, 2007 at 12:09 pm

I know how you feel. I get an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach every Sunday. It’s getting worse instead of better. I actually have to fight to enjoy Sunday night instead of just dreading Monday.

Usually by the end of the day Monday I feel better.

Money Blue Book October 29, 2007 at 2:39 pm

Another day another dollar…Mondays are just like any other day for me.

Although something different happened today. A manhole cover started exploding and spewing flames and thick smoke into the air near Pennsylvania Ave outside my workplace in DC today. Streets and buildings were shut down. The explosion rumblings were loud. Pretty exciting to watch!

FrugalBabe October 29, 2007 at 6:18 pm

I used to have a job where I had to be at work at 7am, didn’t usually leave until about 7pm, and spent the whole day juggling way more than any one person should ever have to. I hated that job, and I hated Sunday evenings because it meant the week was about to start again. I quit that job over 4 years ago, and I now work part time from home and part time at a public library. The working at home can be done whenever I want. The library job has set hours, but I’ve noticed that I never dread going there. I only earn $12/hour, but not having sad Sunday evenings is worth a lot more than money. I’ve never regretted leaving my fast-track-corporate-job at all. I wish you well, and hope that you find a good balance where going to work (while probably not ever going to be quite as good as free time!) doesn’t cause sadness or dread.

mrsmicah October 29, 2007 at 7:53 pm

Frugal Babe, I think your job sounds great. I’d love to work part-time at a library and part-time from home (sewing or with a telecommuting job or freelancing). It’s one of the options I’m seriously considering when Mr. Micah gets fully employed. I loved my time at the library, but it just doesn’t pay the bills (especially since the libraries here don’t even have you working a full 20 hours for part-time).

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