Tomorrow’s Monday. I’ve been trying not to think about that all day long. And, for the most part, I’ve succeeded. Why don’t I want to think about it? Well, I have to go back to work on Monday.
When I consider it rationally, it surprises me how much I can dread going to work. After all, my coworkers are generally nice, the work isn’t normally too hard. Most importantly, I don’t feel like I’m suffering when I’m actually at work.
So why do I dread it so much? (well, the depression probably doesn’t help much, but I don’t think it’s the root problem.)
After a minor panic attack today, I reflected on it (while being snuggled…a good time for reflecting). I don’t think it’s the job that I dread. It’s losing control over my environment, my work, my ideas. It’s also because while I’m not unhappy at my job, I’m much happier during my free time.
So going from free time which is happy to work which is not particularly happy nor unhappy is a big step down. It feels like I’ll be plunging into cold water. At first it’s a shock, and we don’t want to do it or we want to get right out. But after a while, we all get used to the water and can actually have a good time.
Eventually, I hope that I’ll be at a place which actively makes me happy (perhaps even this job someday). Or that there’ll be less of a difference at least.
For now, the best thing I can do when dreading work is call up memories of actually being there. Realizing that it’s not actually painful goes a long way towards calming me down. So there’s a psychological hack, for what it’s worth. 🙂
What are your Mondays like?