A much stronger argument against is that having only one teacher can narrow a child’s educational breadth. There are, I am sure, many home-schoolers who inadvertently pass on their disdain for a particular subject to their children.

An interesting story: One of the daughters of a home-schooled family was getting treated at the orthodontist, and the assistane asked if she was home schooled. She said, “Yes, but how did you know?” The assistant replied, “Because you talk to me.” As long as the children aren’t studying all the time, and do get to accompany the parents places, especially when they go talking with their friends, homeschooled children can be a lot more socially adept than they’re often given credit for. (Plus, they’re not being told to sit down and shut up all the time.)

Thanks for the info on your friend. It’s too late for me to go into teaching in any event. I have a job I enjoy very much now. I’m not likely to give it up for a job that I *think* I would enjoy more.

As for the philosophy teacher, he teaches at the public high school in our Tennessee town. It’s a “regular” high school, not a magnet school. They also have a sociology teacher, which, while we’re fantasizing, would be my dream job. Not a lot of turnover there, though– once somebody snags a dream job, they don’t leave!

That understood, I think that being creative and learning for the rest of one’s life sounds enormously fulfilling. And worthwhile, I might add. I’d like to work on being Godlike for the rest of my life!!!

Actually, the largest risk is exactly what happened to my mother. When my father was afflicted by schizophrenia, she was left in a terrible bind. He didn’t die so she didn’t get Social Security or life insurance and there was no insurance which covered disability caused by mental illness and it’s very difficult to get such insurance today. We were quite poor while I was growing up because of this, but, as long as you’ve got your health and don’t live in a crime-infested neighborhood, poverty in America is no hardship. It’s more irritating than anything else.

Thanks for your response, too — I probably was being touchy, as I said. I live in a town with many, many stay-at-home moms who act “surprised” when they see me rather than my husband at a school event or whatever. So, I probably have grown, unjustly, to see slights
where there are none.

Mrs. Micah, I agree with you that some women are ridiculed for staying home with kids (and as Andrew said, that men probably are treated the same, but sometimes peopel hide it better). I had a lawyer friend who clerked for a federal court of appeals, and then came home to raise her daughter. The lawyers at her husband’s firm dismissed her completely at social functions – would turn away from her. At one party, they were talknig about this brilliant legal opinion that the court of appeals had just released and said to my friend “oh, I’m sure this must be boring to you.” And my friend said “No, it’s not. I actually wrote that opinion when I clerked for that court!” It’s like they assume you lose 20 IQ points, coming home.

But, Mrs. Micah, I think you are being harsh, and categorically rejecting all families where both parents work. There are many, many reasons why both parents may work, and we cannot know what goes on in their homes and lives. It is not fair to judge from the outside whether their choices are good, and surely it cannot be universally true that “nobody should even have kids” if they have good reason to worry about financial stability.

Kids can be seriously screwed up in a parent-at-home household or in a both-parents-work-outside household. Neither path is failsafe, but both should be safe from categorical judgments.

When I say sewing, I’m talking about a business–making curtains, tailoring, custom clothes–to whatever extent my free time can support it. This is something I’ve had a passion for for over 10 years. I’ve made money doing it, I’ve done it as gifts and favors, I’ve made wedding dresses, historical costumes, prom dresses, pants, blouses, quilts, and more. Plus I love doing it.

Sewing, which you dismiss, is a much more meaningful career for me than working in some corporation like I’m doing now.

My husband is also passionate about teaching philosophy. He doesn’t see it as a job, but as fulfilling his telos. If he stops liking it or if it can’t support us then we’ll find a way. But if he’s making enough that we can live on and loves his job…

The “precious children” will do a lot better, I expect, having one parent actually raising them than abandoning them to be raised by other people (for single parents, of course, it’s a necessity). Even if that means living a bit below cultural standards. Plus most mothers’ salaries go primarily towards childcare anyway.

Really, nobody should even have kids with the worldview you describe. They’ll have to spend the whole time their child is growing up working just in case they get divorced or someone dies. The kids will be raised by random people who are hired to do it. I had friends who saw their parents for maybe 2 hours/day. They were much closer to the people who did afterschool care. I ask why have kids then? As pets? Maybe people have reasons, but I have to wonder about some of them.

Nor was I refusing to ever work for a living. Well, I expect to “work” plenty when they’re young as well.

Maybe you’re meaning to be helpful. But I’ve seen a lot of women (and men, too, if they make that choice) ridiculed for staying at home, told they’re not being practical, etc.

I also feel insulted and patronized at the image that’s implied of me staying home and sipping tea, working crosstitch samplers, and reading novels while my husband slaves away at work and feels enormously pressured to keep me on that pedestal. I don’t know why I even feel the need to defend myself, but perhaps because lots of women feel judged if they stay home or worry that they have to work even though they have the financial stability to enrich their family by staying with the kids. And, as I’ve said, if the relationship is more suited to the man staying home, great!

In this day and age, it’s very very risky for women to give up their earning power by leaving (or never starting) any meaningful career. I know no one thinks it will happen to them, but the divorce rate is well over 50% now. Plus there are risks of illness, disability, and death of your husband.

You might also regret it when they go off to school (forget college, we’re talking grade school) and you have no meaningful occupation. Sewing and reading are not nearly as rewarding as they seem–especially when done for decades on end. Your kids only need constant care for a few years–there’s no reason for a woman to refuse to work for the entirity of her life just because she has small children at home for 5 or 6 years.

Plus, it’s a HUGE financial burden on men who are forced to be primary breadwinners in today’s world, supporting 2-5 dependents on one income. They don’t have the option to choose to sit around and read, sew, and explore their own interests instead of making a living.